


Writing Memories On The Wall

by AmalgamWriter



Series: Modella Institute Series [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Institutions, Self Harm, Sex, Suicide, mentions of:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 21:45:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmalgamWriter/pseuds/AmalgamWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since they came together, now life seems to finally be looking up. However, every rainbow comes with a little rain and nothing is perfect. There are bad days mixed in with the good. </p>
<p>Not good at summaries sorry. Sequel to How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Writing Memories On The Wall

**Author's Note:**

> More light than the first but still dark. Trigger warnings as always.

“Blow out the candles!” Harry, Liam, Niall, and Zayn cheered as Louis took a deep breath, blowing the flames away as he made a wish. To someone on the outside, it would look like Louis was celebrating his birthday but he was, in fact, celebrating something oh so much more important to him.

Louis took a deep breath, a huge smile refusing to leave his face. “This last year has been the most amazing of my life. There have been some really low points. Points where I was sure we would break for good yet each time one of us started to crack, the others grabbed the glue and fixed it. I didn't just find four great friends, I found my soul mates. My life will never be the same.”

Harry, Zayn, Liam, and Niall all clapped as Louis finished speaking. Each took a moment to kiss him deeply, Harry's kiss lingering a little longer than the others. They understood though. Harry and Louis had a very special bond, as did Niall, Liam, and Zayn. 

“Thank you for this,” Louis told them, happy despite having spent the last 365 days locked inside a posh mental institute.   
\+ + + 

“You know, we should try to come up with a band name,” Liam suggested as the song they were playing came to an end. The others murmured their assent. In the last year, they'd written over a dozen amazing songs and hoped to one day release an album, after they were released themselves.

“How about Forever Crazy?” Louis laughed, obviously joking. 

“Or The Seven Psychopaths?” Niall put out, grinning broadly. 

Liam rolled his eyes, playfully shoving Niall into Haz. “Someone failed kindergarten. There are only 5 of us you numpty,” he laughed.

Niall shoved Liam back as he stuck out his tongue. He loved that Liam and the others felt okay with teasing him now. If anyone else tried to, he would lose it, but he felt safe with these four. They helped to keep his wacky emotions in control. 

“How about Fate's Angels?” Zayn asked, thinking of how fate had really brought the five of them together. Without fate, he wondered if they would have met in the 'normal' world. 

“Sounds kinda like a chick band doesn't it?” Niall asked. The others, Zayn included, nodded.

“I kinda like Free Fighters,” Louis suggested. 

Harry cleared his throat shyly, causing everyone to look at him. “What about One Direction?” He asked, looking at the ground with a little smile on his face and a blush tinting his cheeks.

“Bloody perfect!” Liam cheered, kissing Harry quickly but deeply. They all agreed that it was perfect for the 5 of them. They were all going in one direction, forever together. 

“I have an uncle that owns a record label. I don't talk to him often because he hates my step-da and doesn't approve of my mum's decision to marry him. I bet he'd be willing to listen to us,” Harry quietly informed the rest of the group.

“Who's your uncle?” Louis curiously asked, a happy little smile dancing on his lips. 

“Simon,” Harry answered. “Simon Cowell.”  
\+ + +  
Later that night, Harry and Louis were cuddling in one of the two beds they shared. It had been an amazing few days and they wanted to celebrate in Harry's favorite way. “It's been so long since I've felt you buried deep in me,” Harry moaned in Louis' ear. 

Louis shivered, vivid memories of the last time flooding his mind. He was rock hard and aching for Haz. Lou rolled the already naked Haz on his back, smiling wickedly down at him. Harry's hands rested gently on his lovers hips, back arching up to connect their lips. 

Louis kissed his way all around Harry's stomach before bending him in half to rim the younger boy with his skillful tongue. Within minutes, Haz was writhing around from Lou's powerful ministrations. 

“Oh please baby! Fuck me!” Harry begged, clawing down Louis' back. Lou hissed as Haz's nails broke skin, a little blood oozing out. “I need to feel you in me!”

Lou grabbed a little lube, quickly spreading some on his quivering member. In one quick thrust he sank to his balls inside Harry's tight chute. “So fucking tight Haz,” he moaned out as his eyes snapped shut.

Harry moaned loudly, expertly controlling his rectal muscles to milk Louis cock. “Love you so much,” he purred out.

Lou pistoned in and out of Haz, sweat pouring off his taut muscles. “I love you too,” he struggled to get out between moans. 

“Fill me with your seed,” pleaded Harry, adding fresh marks to Lou's already scarred up back. His eyes were rolled back, all his muscles going wild from the feelings coursing through him. 

Louis leaned over, sucking on the old familiar patch of skin, darkening the light bruise that hadn't faded from Harry's skin in the last year. Lou had a matching one Harry had given him on his collarbone. 

Every muscle in Louis' body tightened as he felt himself release right against Harry's prostate. The pressure pushed Harry tumbling over the edge without being touched. 

Harry asked Louis to stay inside him as long as possible as they cuddled together, coming down from their orgasmic high. Bliss filled the room, causing both to smile brightly as they drifted off to sleep peacefully, dreams filled with thoughts of a happy future.   
\+ + +   
It took a few weeks but once again the rollarcoaster of their lives sank down, taking them all with it. It was a rainy June day, and like usual the boys were holed up in the music room. They weren't alone today though. A couple other 'lifers' were in there too. 

“It's nice when you two stop by,” Liam commented, smiling at he other two boys. 

“Yeah, hearing our songs with drums and keys just makes it so much more real,” Zayn added while Niall just glared on from the sidelines, his grip on the neck of his guitar getting dangerously tight. 

The doctors had decided to put the blonde Irishman on a new medication and so far it wasn't having the desired effect. In fact, since the change Niall seemed more violent and erratic. His moods were more unstable than any of them could ever remember. There was a fire in Niall's eyes that no one had yet to notice. 

“It's our pleasure. We'd come up more often but everyone knows this is your special place. The hospital just actually put in another music room for everyone else,” Jon told them with a light laugh. It was true. Modella thought it best to build a separate music room for the others as to not disturb the therapeutic harmony between the 5 boys. They had went so far as to tell people that no one could enter the 3rd floor music room without express permission from one of the 5. To bad they forgot to tell the boys themselves. 

Liam wrapped a friendly arm around Jon as Zayn did the same to Josh. “Consider yourselves permanently invited,” Zayn told them, squeezing Josh's shoulder lightly. His smile was bright and eyes twinkling. The music they were about to make had his mood light and lifted. 

“Yeah seriously. Any time you want to jam, you're more than welcome to pop in,” Liam agreed, a smile spanning wide on his face too. 

Niall couldn't take it anymore. To him it looked like the foursome were flirting and something inside his fragile mind snapped. Louis and Harry were the only other people permitted to flirt with his boyfriends. 

Niall took the guitar in his hands, moving it so he was holding it by the neck like a baseball bat and stood. Liam and Zayn saw the manic fire in Niall's eyes, pushing Josh and Jon towards Harry and Louis, who were working on lyrics at the piano. They knew what happens next and they didn't want their new friends getting hurt. 

“Protect them!” Liam shouted as he turned back towards Niall, who swung his guitar wildly, hitting the giant harp near him and causing it to loudly crash to the floor. Everyone jumped from the loud, unexpected sound. 

“Fuck!” Josh screamed out. He and Jon had never seen Niall on one of his rampages like this. It was truly a sight to behold and not exactly in a good way. 

Niall turned towards Liam, angry tears pouring down his pale cheeks. “I thought you loved me!” He chucked his guitar at Liam's head, thankfully missing. Liam's boxing training allowed him to dodge the incoming projectile before it could connect with him. 

“He does love you Nini. We both do. Lou and Haz too. Please, take a second to think of what you're doing,” Zayn begged as Harry rushed over to check on Liam. Louis stayed in front of the other two, not wanting them to accidentally get hurt in the crossfire. 

Niall grabbed a flute off the one of the display stands next to him, holding it like a baton. He pointed it in the direction of Jon and Josh. “Then why were you fucking flirting with them?” He screamed as he reared back, throwing the flute straight at Jon's head. 

Louis managed to get his hand up in time to deflect the blow and save Jon but the entire room heard the sickening crunch when it connected. Louis howled out in agony, clutching his hand close to his chest and yet it didn't seem to phase Niall. His mind simply blocked it out. 

As Harry and Liam rushed to Louis' aide, Zayn continued to try to talk Niall down. “Baby is that what you think? Josh and Jon are cool people but why would we ever trade you and Haz and Lou for them? The 5 of us belong together. We're soul mates. There will never be anyone that could ever come close to what you four mean to me. I love you Nini. Forever.” 

Niall dropped the clarinet he'd picked up after throwing the flute, falling to his knees weakly. As the fog cleared out of his brain and he realized what he'd done, he let out a heart wrenching sob. Had he broken Louis hand? He wondered fearfully.   
Zayn rushed over to him, wrapping him up tightly. Together they cried, both shaking. 

After everyone calmed down, Jon and Josh gave Niall a hug. “Niall you never have to worry about Jon or I...we're very happy together and would never stray from each other,” Josh told him, looking lovingly at Jon. 

They went back to their music, playing some of their favorite songs like Moments and Taken before ending the jam session with just the 5 of them playing Little Things as they did at the end of every jam. It meant a lot to them, the lyrics and the song. It was their anthem.   
\+ + +  
“I can't believe we're preforming for your uncle today,” Liam told Haz while the other were in their therapy sessions. All the boys now shared one large bedroom across from their music room. Life was really finally looking up in the last 3 months. Despite a few bumps, all 5 boys felt like life was going somewhere for them. 

“If this goes well, maybe we can buy a house together one day,” Harry sighed, leaning into Liam's fingers as they carded through his curls. A light purr came out from the back of his throat. 

Liam smiled down at the cupcake in his lap. He could tell from just Haz's upper body weight that he was finally getting back to a healthy weight. He truly felt like all 5 of them would soon be released. 

“Where would you want to live?” Liam asked, watching Harry's curls spring and bounce around. He would never grow tired of playing with the others curls. 

Harry frowned while he thought about Liam's question. They were all so spread out. Hell Niall was from Ireland for fucks sake. “Honestly I'd like to buy a nice little house on the outskirts of London. Somewhere big enough for all of us to live comfortably.”  
Liam chuckled lightly. “I think London sounds wonderful Hazza. We could really be ourselves there, without fear of being judged for who we are and who we love. I have no reason to go b back to Wolverhampton,” he said, leaning over to give Harry a tender kiss.

Harry sighed as their lips parted, speaking quietly, “I understand LiLi. As much as I love my mum and Gmma, I can't go back to Cheshire. I can't go back to all those nightmares...those demons...”

Harry can Liam continued to quietly dream of the future. They talked about things like commitment ceremonies, who would do what around the house, and other little things. Though Harry was anorexic and wouldn't be likely to eat much of what he made, he was still a fantastic cook, the best of the bunch by far. One by one the other boys trickled into the room and joined in the conversation.

Keeping their minds busy helped to alleviate the nerves and stop the anticipation from building up. Soon enough a nurse was knocking on their door, coming in after one of them yelled out for them to enter. 

Nurse Lloyd was their favorite nurse and by far the coolest staff member in the place. Before she allowed them to go preform though, she made them all take their mid-day meds. Harry had it the worst though. 

“Come on Harry. You know the drill,” Nurse Cher murmured, pulling out a long, menacing looking syringe filled with 400cc's of a milky white liquid. 

Harry bent over, bracing himself on Niall's shoulder while Liam and Louis rubbed his arms. Zayn gently pulled Harry's pants down. Nurse Cher gently pressed the needle into Harry's round, firm ass cheek. Harry squeezed his eyes closed. Each shot hurt a little less though.

“All done. Alright boys, Mr. Cowell is waiting for you next door. Break a leg,” Nurse Cher told them. Realizing who she was talking to, she added, “Not literally though please. Medical is really full right now after Greg's freak out...”

They all smiled, giving each other a big group hug before walking over. “Hey Uncle Simon,” Harry told the imposing man softly as he wrapped his arms around the other man lovingly. 

“Harry,” Simon sighed, wrapping his own arms around Harry. “I've really missed you. Who are your friends?”   
Harry pointed out each boy, introducing them softly. “This is Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, and Niall Horan. Louis is the newest but we've all been here at least a year and a half. Liam and Louis play piano really well and Niall and Liam are wicked on the guitar. We make up One Direction. Our friends Josh and Jon as well as their friend Sandy are going to back us up.”

“Impress me,” was all Simon said as he sat down. He loved his nephew but wouldn't show favoritism in his work.   
The boys took their places just as they'd rehearsed. They opened with a cover song. 

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

Being in a place where you lost friends every day, where suicide was never far away, each of them could related to the song, to the words flowing freely from their lips.

The next song they decided to play was one of their favorite up beat songs. It was called Up All Night. Something they'd written one night when they were all hopped up and stayed awake playing music til dawns early light. Also known as 'the say Josh shared his Adderall'. 

They closed with Little Things done as pure vocal music without any instrumental backing to really showcase their pure vocal range and abilities. 

Simon's jaw fell open shortly after they started singing How To Save A Life and refused to close. The boys were far more talented than he'd ever expected. Never in his life did he expect to be sitting in a mental institute listening to his nephew's band play and more than that, they were actually good. 

Afterwords he sought out the boys head doctor. He needed to get these boys into a recording studio as soon as possible. 

“To be honest Mr. Cowell, the only reason the boys are still here is because together they seem healthy and a wonderful cohesive unit. However we don't know how they would do apart, in a cruel reality where their sexuality and truly unique relationship could and most likely would be ridiculed and looked down upon. We worry they wouldn't be able to hold up to it. However we'd be willing to release all 5 of them on a trial basis, assuming Harry's mother would sign off since he is currently the only minor.”   
\+ + +   
The boys were laying down on the floor of their room, heads in the center of a 5 pointed star. It had been just 4 short days since they'd sang for Simon for the first time and in just 3 more they would be leaving their home of the last 2 years for the great unknown. 

“Are we really doing this?” Liam asked, his voice soft and unsure. 

“We really are Li,” Louis answered, reaching out to hold his hand. 

“I've always wanted to see London,” Niall mused as he rested his head on Harry's shoulder. 

Harry smiled over at the blonde. “I know you'll love it.” 

“Here we go...the rest of our lives. No more safety net,” Zayn sighed. 

Together they worked on packing up their possessions as well as their memories. It would be a long and hard road but they had each other. They knew they could make it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave kudos or comment if you did. 
> 
> Not sure if this is the end or not...


End file.
